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so here we go.
I'm new here.
I'm eighteen years old. I live in West Philadelphia and I have wild orange hair and dark dark eyes. its true.
This is exactly the community I was looking for. But reading the info, I noticed the mod wrote "lucent dreaming" and if you mean what I think you mean, its lucid dreaming. Waking life eh? :P
Here's my story and my dreams will all make sense after this:

So I have a serious boyfriend. right now I'm in love. I really am. Which makes my dreams really terrible for me.
So I'm a pretty young girl, and I've had quite a few male acquaintances in my teen years. Not the slutty kind, a healthy amount of boyfriends. And I stayed good friends with all of them afterwards. Well we were friends first. I have a habit of making out with friends. I'm bad.
My boyfriend on the other hand, is twenty (he's the youngest of all of my boyfriends). This is in fact his first REAL relationship. Like, important one. He's very jealous. Not so in a way that he doesn't want me hanging around with other guys or he gets mad when other guys stare at me, he is jealous in a healthy way like that. He doesn't make a big deal out of it, and he just takes it with a grain of salt because that shit happens. But, he said, if I ever cheated on him then he would beat the guy that I cheated on with bloody, maybe even kill him, and he would never ever speak to/look at me again.
I've never cheated on anyone. And I defnitely don't want to cheat on him.

Now to my main point. This was probably a little lengthy, but I wanted a full background, AND I didn't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

So I've been dreamcheating on him. And I tell him this. And it bothers him. But it bothers me more. It makes me feel really shitty about everything. As if I actually cheated on him. The first time I cheated on him I had sex with a male friend of mine who I had been hanging out with a lot before me and my boyfriend got together named Dave. We weren't together or anything, we were really just friends actually. By the way, Joe extremely dislikes Dave.
So weeks later I had a dream that I was making out with one of my teachers from my highschool band days. He was really hot. Really. Really hot. And only 24. And if he had propositioned me back then I totally would have said hell yes. BUT- why is this coming to me now? Why did I have that dream? And why was he such a horrible kisser in the dream?
Then I had another dream recently about having sex with Dave again. I didn't tell Joe about this one. It was the other day.
And now, last night, I had a dream that I was making out with my teacher again. He's still a bad kisser in dreamland.
Everytime I have one of these dreams I feel terrible afterward in the dream, and I think well what do I do? I have to tell him, but I can't. Oh shit.
This morning when I woke up I must have had some really scared look on my face because my boyfriend said to me, "bad dream?" I obviously don't want to cheat on him, or have any sexual feelings toward anyone else.
I haven't had any feelings for anyone since I've been with him. I used to have feelings about other guys all the time with my other boyfriends but this is different. I haven't.

So I don't even know if I am in the right place anymore.
I'm not even sure what I am asking.
I just want to know why I am having these terrible dreams.
And I want to stop having them.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lottieloo
Dec. 8th, 2004 12:11 pm (UTC)
Don't panick about these dreams. I've had many sexual dreams about other men. It doesn't mean I want to cheat on my boyfriend. I love him. The dreams are just a way of acting out fantasies. Its normal. Maybe don't tell your boyfriend about it. He obviously can't handle it.

My boyfriend likes that I have sexual dreams. He understands that its not my desire to actually be with other men. Maybe explain that to your boyfriend. Its like when men look at porn. Are they cheating? No. Do they consider it cheating? No. Its just fantasy. So enjoy your dreams. Lucky you!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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