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pondering

I woke up around quarter of 11. I promptly had a nosebleed. A bad one. My wastebasket looks like an axe murderer just used it.

And then I remembered the dream I'd just woken up from.

Now the nosebleed was weird, because I NEVER have them, and not randomly- I mean, I will if I get hit in the face with a basketball or something- and NEVER right when I wake up.

But the dream was even weirder than that. And if anyone has any idea of what it could mean... PLEASE tell me.

The location is my grandparents' house, where my Aunt Nikki and my cousin Alyssa live. Standard ranch house- you walk into the house from the back, through the big sunroom, into the kitchen. From there you can either go down the stairs into the furnished basement (in which case you go through a hallway- to the right is my aunt's room, to the left is the laundry room and "stuff room".) Or you can walk through the large eat-in kitchen and either go straight (into the living room, then out the front door) or turn right and go down a hallway. The first door on your left is Alyssa's room, the next door on your right is the bathroom, then at the end of the hallway, the door to the left leads into my grandparents' room and the door to the right leads to my grandfather's study.

If that makes any sense at all.

ANYWAY.

I guess it was some kind of birthday party for me, because everyone important to me in some way was there. I SAW a lot of people, but there were other people that I knew were there but I didn't necessarily SEE. I was with Alyssa a lot. I don't remember whether or not my sister Annemarie was there. But in the dream, there was this guy named Bob- a really, really big guy who I KNEW in my real life somewhere, only in reality his name's not Bob, but I can't place him. In my dream, Bob and Anne had been together for awhile, but now Bob and I were basically talking. Anyways, we were acting like a couple at the party, he'd stand behind me and put his arms around my waist and such. Everyone was asking me if he was my boyfriend and I was saying yes.

I remember that I knew that my family was there. That my Gramie was one of the few family members I actually saw- I just knew that the rest of them were there.

I know my sister Annemarie was there, but I don't remember whether or not I actually SAW Anne. I knew she was there though, and that made me feel sad (in the dream).

I know Marie was there, she was walking around and such and that was WEIRD. She was acting really tentative, and I'd be around, and I'd be talking to people, and she'd start talking to them, and I'd talk really really loudly to them right over her voice. I did it more than once, a lot of times. Finally she left the room (we were in the living room) and I thought she left for good.

I couldn't find Alyssa for some reason so I opened her door and stepped in her room, and there was a guy with a purple towel opened, but facing away from me, like he had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed. I saw him and KNEW that it was Lucas. I said, "oops, sorry." and left the room and shut the door.

I went back in the living room and I talked to Gramie. Gramie asked about Marie and said that before the party, she'd called saying she didn't really want to come for some reason (I can't remember it right now). But she came anyway. And I knew she hadn't left, I'm pretty sure she was in the kitchen. Anyway, she came back into the living room but I ignored her. I wanted to go say something but I didn't, I held myself back.

So after awhile I wanted to see if Lucas was finished getting dressed so I went to Alyssa's room (which was Lucas's room in the dream or something? it wasn't really clear) and knocked and opened the door, and all the lights were off and he was gone. I was hurt and upset that he'd left without speaking to me. I wanted to find him but I didn't know how.

So after I walk out back into the living room, the door opens and a few people walk in, one of them is Caro. She's really happy and smiling, and I go and give her a hug and tell her I'm happy she's here, because finally there's someone here besides family that I know cares about me.


And then I woke up.



If ANYONE has any ideas on that, PLEASE tell me.

Here's several things I find suspicious:
* Jeremy (sort of my bf...one of my best friends, but he and I had an argument a few days ago and things have been tense since then) isn't in my dream anywhere.
* ...but Marie (my best friend, who hasn't spoken to me for three weeks, and has repeatedly said that she hates me and wants me to die) is. A lot.
* the Lucas (Lucas is my x, one of the few people I've ever REALLY loved) thing with Alyssa's room.
* and Lucas just taking off.
* that I was happy when Carolyn was there, and then it ended.
* BOB?!?!?!???? wtf?

I don't know. That's just me.

PLEASE help, you guys!


xoxo
Dani

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